INITIATOR TRAINING - Essay 3

Initiator Training – SOLAR Chakra

By Angelica Bosio

March 23, 2024

As soon as I finished my Initiator training work on the Sacral Chakra, the pressure in my Solar Plexus became very intense. It was communicating very loudly to me that I needed to start working on it. However, I had committed to checking in with Bliss before moving ahead with my work on the Solar Plexus so the sensations in that chakra would just have to calm down and wait. As soon as those thoughts went through my mind, my Solar Plexus became very upset with me and spoke to me as a voice in my head.

It was very stern.

“Why are you waiting for someone else’s approval to do what you know to be right

for you? Listen to your body, mind and spirit, those are

the only voices that should matter”.

My Solar Plexus and I had a very long conversation about this, and I agreed that it was right, but told it that I could not go ahead with starting my work on it without telling Bliss first.

“Why?”

At that point I realized that my need to be a good girl, a perfect student, abide by other’s standards (however pure-hearted their intent was) had robbed me of listening to my own needs and desires for my whole life. What a start to exploring the center of self-identity!

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Starting my work on my Solar Plexus brought me an instant sense of being in my power, feeling strong and confident. And then the real work began. It started with a deep integration between my Sacral and Solar Plexus chakras. The work that I had previously done on the Sacral, my emotional center, could not be put into action without the release of the Solar Plexus. I had been using this chakra as a gatekeeper to protect my Sacral. Anything that came my way that my Solar Plexus felt my empathic Sacral could not handle, it turned it away. Pushed it out of my life. Now that my Sacral had learned how to be compassionate without holding onto others’ emotions, it was time to send love to my Solar Plexus for all the hard work it had done all these years and release it of that duty. To teach it to relinquish control and trust the Sacral. To stop fighting. To allow everything in to be returned to love by the Sacral.

Releasing the warrior in my Solar Plexus allowed for a drastic shift in how my energy flowed through me. I felt more balanced between my masculine action-oriented self, and my feminine emotional-self. And with that came a sense of needing to redefine who I was beyond my action-oriented accomplishments. Up until that point, my actions were fueled by a desire to have something to show for what I had done. However, I felt a very strong need to redirect my actions to serving my Divine Feminine.

A very powerful invitation to reflect on and redefine my self-identity came in through a reading I received connecting me to my mission in this lifetime as a representative of the Whale Collective. Throughout my whole life to this point I had been looking away from this planet to find a sense of purpose. As a teenager, completely engulfed in this 3D reality, I looked to the stars. I was subscribed to every astronomy magazine I could. I chose a career in materials engineering because I had been inspired by a talk given by a woman who worked in this field at NASA, and I always said I would one day apply to become an astronaut. The ceiling of my bedroom had glow-in-the-dark paint dots in the exact correct locations to create the night sky. I would spend hours learning to spot all the different constellations. So, to have my attention redirected to the Earth was surprising, and also made so much sense. The Whales are the maintainers of Divine balance and the keepers of the Earth’s akashic records.

To become the full embodiment of Divine compassion,

grace and wisdom that I am, it was time to look down too.

With this reading also came an urge for me to change my name to Angelica. Angel of the Sea. Messenger of Source. I felt a profound quality of purity in the frequency of this name and discovered a depth within me that I did not previously know existed. It felt so true and so foreign at once. It was an offer to catapult me forward. To reframe everything I had learned to that point about who I am. It felt like a merging between the human I had been in this lifetime to that point, with the human I came here to be. My Solar Plexus felt like knots were being undone, like it was being untangled.

Going from being Sarah to being Angelica felt like a quantum leap, which brought forth a strong feeling of resistance to it. I knew I was not satisfied with the status quo, but the familiar felt so comfortable. I knew I needed to let go of every thread of wanting to play small, of being in the background. As Sarah I had “made a living” of staying quiet, being internal. Becoming Angelica was going to force me to put myself out there, shining outwardly with no place to hide. It felt like I was turning myself inside out. Birthing a bright light deep within me that my Solar Plexus was working hard to protect. My Solar Plexus had been my security guard and had done such a wonderful job of protection, however it was time for it to become my supporter. My guide. A force to serve me. It was time for my Solar Plexus to give up being in the driver’s seat.

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Often in my life I have found certain songs to be very powerful to me. At this point of my journey with my Solar Plexus the song “Trees” by Twenty One Pilots re-emerged as a potent way for me to channel what I was experiencing (lyrics at the end of this essay). A conversation of sorts between Sarah and Angelica.

Then the separation wound came out in a big way. Mine, but it felt like more than just mine. It was the collective’s as well. The ego creeping up. The “ look at me and how great I am”, the caring what others think, the not feeling seen. The closer to the surface the bright light from Angelica got, the more these shadows got exposed. I diligently worked through them and returned them to love, however I could still feel shreds of the self-judgement, the competition, the comparison, the ranking of accomplishments. As soon as I acknowledged these feelings, I was overcome by a sense of not knowing what I was or what I wanted. I did not know what I wanted to eat, what I wanted to do.

All I wanted was to be wrapped in a warm blanket and be taken care of.

I wanted a hug, a nap, a foot massage.

I wanted a warm drink brought to me with love and without having to ask.

I wanted to feel loved and cared for by another without having to justify my desires.

So I cried. I cried about how hard this life had been. I cried about how every time life felt overwhelmingly challenging, I always found one small thing to focus on to keep me going, to stay positive, ignoring and dismissing what I was really feeling in the process. Some greater force always kept me moving forward, even when it felt like I was going nowhere. And as I felt into those spaces, I thanked my guardian angels, my guides, my Higher Self for getting me to where I am now. My strength and resilience blew my mind as I felt into these spaces within myself that I didn’t know where there, that at times were ready to give up. All the spaces within me that had had enough of this 3D reality so many times, were done with it at various times in my life. I cried as I acknowledged it all, returned it to love, and released it all.

As my journey continued with the Solar Plexus, I found myself re-experiencing every unease I had ever felt, making sure that it was fully returned to love. I found myself feeling overwhelmed even though I had nothing on my plate. I noticed myself reaching for food when I wasn’t hungry to fill a void I did not understand. I also realized that all these feelings came down to feeling unseen and not feeling loved for who I truly am by those I held closest to me.

As I lay in bed one evening, I felt all the emotions come to the surface. I felt annoyed, constrained, forced to comply and fit in the mold. It felt very claustrophobic. There was a part of me that just wanted to scream, another part that wanted to cry, and yet another part that wanted to run away and make the pain stop. My chest felt tight, I felt like I was suffocating, like I was drowning. The battle within me was intense. On one side was Sarah, the girl I had been told to be, and on the other side Angelica, my Soul Self. It felt like Angelica was fighting for survival, feeling trapped, feeling smothered, as she had been for most of Sarah’s life. It had been necessary to survive life in this reality. The battle felt so painful and so familiar, but this was the first time I allowed myself to feel the pain of it. I could feel the force with which Angelica was being buried and locked up so deep within.

I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt so misunderstood. I felt unseen and uncared for. And underneath it all I felt love. Love for Angelica. Love for the resilience and drive Sarah had shown over and over again to not allow herself to get knocked down, and to slowly but surely reunite with Angelica. I felt compassion for everything Sarah has endured, and what she has accomplished. I felt love for the purpose of it all.

With that my chest softened and the weapons were put down. I could feel Sarah and Angelica look at each other, from a distance, and share a loving glance. A first for Sarah. For the first time Angelica’s light felt warm and soothing to Sarah. She felt like she was being seen and cared for for the first time. She bathed in the pure love frequency from Angelica and felt no more anger. No more sadness. Angelica’s blindingly bright light could finally step forward and fill my Solar Plexus, returning it to being the sun it was meant to be. So warm. So calming. So caring. It felt like I was meeting myself for the first time.

All the energy that had been spent containing Angelica now flowed freely. I felt like I was coming out of dormancy, out of hibernation. Fierce yet soft, and still a little wobbly. I could feel my angel wings attached on the back of my Heart Chakra coming to life.

With that I was ready and announced to everyone that my name is now Angelica. It felt so freeing to do so! Days went by though and I didn’t hear a word from my parents, siblings, or those I considered my closest friends (apart from my stepmom). While the self-identity aspect of myself, my Solar Plexus, felt completely unaffected by this, my heart felt the need to grieve. It was time to let go of the illusion of what my family was to me. My whole life I had heard endless variations of “no matter what happens in your life, family is who will always be there for you”. And yet here I was, showing myself in my true colours, and nothing. Not a word. With the sadness came a realization that despite my best efforts to always be compassionate for what everyone else was going through in their own lives, none of these people had ever truly been there for me in my life.

And so, as I sent each of them so much love,

I released myself from the emotional web of what I had thought family to be.

The process of embodying Angelica has me feeling so whole. It feels like the alchemical process of becoming Angelica has been one of merging into Oneness, becoming the Collective. My physical body vibrates at a much stronger frequency, and I can feel it transforming on a cellular level even though I am not sure what that means in my conscious mind. It is potent. It is powerful. It is bigger than the human version of me, it is from beyond this reality. It is almost overwhelming, yet it is addictive. It takes my breath away.

Trees (Twenty One Pilots)

I know where you stand

Silent in the trees

And that’s where I am

Silent in the trees

Why won’t you speak

Where I happen to be?

Silent in the trees

Standing cowardly

I can feel your breath

I can feel my death

I want to know you

I want to see

I want to say

Hello

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