INITIATOR TRAINING - Essay 4

Initiator Training – Heart Chakra

By Angelica Bosio

April 30, 2024

The common theme of this exploration of my Heart Chakra has been music. Singing specifically (not something I do outside of the car really!). As soon as I opened my Heart Chakra, singing felt different, especially if I put my attention on singing from my heart. The vibrations of my voice started cracking my heart space open, especially to specific songs.

My journey with my heart started with a trigger by the father of my children, which exposed a wound for me around our relationship as co-parents being one where I give more than my fair share. This turned out to be a key wound for me to heal through this process.

Another constant through my work with my Heart Chakra has been going through various activations. Less than a week into my work with that space, I experienced a complete digestive system cleanse, followed by a day where I was “forced” to lie down most of the day. It felt like I was being primed for a download of some sort with my system so empty. Sure enough, early the next morning I received one in dream time. I was sprawled out in my bed, it was very bright, and I was given visions of dots and other simple geometric forms. At some point, very young versions of my kids came into my bed and were all over me, but I was unable to give them any attention. I was “forced” to ignore them and received visions of big ships (boats are symbols of the emotional self). The kids eventually left. My vision was left very blurry, and my hearing was off. For a few days after that I felt like my cognitive abilities were operating at the most basic setting - all I could do was the bare minimum to get through each day. I felt almost disconnected from my physical body. It felt foreign, yet familiar. Like a combination of a memory of what my body felt like a few days prior and a completely novel experience. I felt tingling all over like I was not fully solid, even though I could see it with my eyes. It was an interesting disconnect. Over the following days I received more activations that felt like waves of energy streaming down through me from my crown chakra.

Following all these activations over a period of about a week, I felt so much ease and flow in my life. I felt like I was operating outside of the 3D. I truly felt like I had found my wings, I embodied my Angel in human form. I could feel myself shifting from one frequency to another suddenly and unexpectedly, with my heart feeling like it was levitating.

I could also feel a shield around my heart that needed to be cracked open. It came with a sense of being lost as to what it was and how to break it open. Almost a sense of desperation. The common themes of my dreams at that point in my journey were about looking for something that  I couldn’t find. Through it all, my hands would regularly be drawn to my heart space. It felt tight.

On April 8th, a complete solar eclipse took place across North America. Although I was nowhere near the path of totality, the energy was potent. I felt compelled to sit in meditation through the height of the eclipse, during which I felt myself be the Earth. I felt the Earth be our collective heart, and I felt all the cracks in that heart. I was taken to each continent, one at a time, and invited to pour love into all the cracks. The cracks were physical scars we humans have caused our planet, which felt so much more visible in the presence of the eclipse. By the time I was done healing the lands of each continent I could feel the heartbeat of the Earth pulsing through my body. The scars in the Earth were now filled with the most beautiful flowers - they had become a source of exquisite beauty.

At the same time, I could feel the same process happening subconsciously in my own heart. As the beauty of the scars revealed themselves my shoulders fell back, my chest popped out, and my Heart Chakra cracked open. The muscles in my chest felt sore after the experience.

The energy of the whole process was so gentle and inviting, not forceful or loud. Much more subtle than what I had experienced with the lower chakras, yet equally powerful. I felt my lung capacity increase dramatically and with that the lung capacity of the Earth.

After the high of the eclipse energy, I felt the pendulum swing all the way back to a place of feeling directionless, purposeless. Nothing felt exciting. As I was falling asleep one night, words came to me

“I feel strong yet soft, fully in the flow, happy and full of love.

Yet I feel flat and joyless. Like there is a moon standing in front of my sun”.

As I explored the moon standing in front of my sun, my left ear was blocked for several days. “Not listening, not wanting to hear the truth” is the message of a blocked ear. I felt confused by it. However, as I turned inward, I felt that there was a message there about how I interact with friends, but I could not quite crack the code of what the message was. I also received a message from my heart: “Hold me”. Thinking about prioritizing my heart’s needs felt like a new concept. As I tapped into it more, I could feel it crying tears of all the pain that it had suffered, and tears of relief for being heard. I also realized that I could not remember what it felt like for my heart not to feel broken. The words “cracked” and “fragmented” kept coming to my mind as I listened to my heart.

Singing again brought more unfurling of that space. Memories started to surface that made me realize that I have never had anyone be able to hold space for me whenever I have needed it. I have never had a shoulder to lean on. I have spent my whole life armouring up the wounds in my heart to protect them. I put shields up to avoid sharing my emotions. And with this realization I felt my armour detach from my heart. However, getting it to go altogether required external help – the very thing I had been conditioned to not need! As the shield lowered itself, smiling at me and saying “you’ve got this!”,

I could feel myself as a dot in a network connecting everyone and everything.

Every thread connecting each of us, equally able to give and receive.

I am All, and I am but a fragment,

intrinsically interconnected with every other fragment to form the All.

I have equal abilities to give and receive love.

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That night I received the message “Sedna” in dreamtime. Sedna is the sea goddess in Inuit mythology. She is the source of all sea life, and her story is similar in many ways to Persephony’s but instead of going into the underworld of the Earth, Sedna goes into the underworld of the ocean. As I reflected on the darkness of the shield that was protecting my heart and the darkness of the depths of the ocean where Sedna lives, I was reminded that darkness is not the absence of light, it is the absorption of it. I felt the call for my heart to turn outward to let all the darkness it had been holding onto escape and shine brightly as the beautiful light that it is. Like the beautiful flowers emerging from the scars of the Earth that I experienced during the eclipse.

The activations haven’t slowed down, I have been going from full of energy to knocked down and feeling “paralyzed” on the couch so quickly it is hard to keep up! However, the lightness, spaciousness, and frequency of my heart and whole body have been so incredible. I feel like I have found my wings!

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